Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!

The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.