If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.