If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.

I'm a peripheral visionary.

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?"

I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.