If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.

My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time.

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.