I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.

I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.

I washed mud off of mud.

I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.