I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

I'm kinda tired. I was up all night trying to round off infinity. Then I got bored and went out and painted passing lines on curved roads.

I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.

I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

If you melt dry ice in a pool and go swimming, will you get wet?

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'