A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.
Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
I like to skate on the other side of the ice.