My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman.

What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.

My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.