To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It's commenting or observing or twisting life.

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

Snakes have no arms. That's why they don't wear vests.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?