There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.

People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.

I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.

I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."

I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."

If God dropped acid, would he see people?