Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

I had my coat hangers spayed.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Why are they called a-part-ments, when they're all stuck together?

A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'