I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.