I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

Sometimes I... No, I don't.

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.