My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.

Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.