One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.

I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

What do batteries run on?