If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

I had amnesia once or twice.

My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time.