If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'

I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after I was doing comedy. There was a paper called the 'Boston Phoenix,' and someone wrote a description of what I was doing and that's where I first saw 'deadpan.'