In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said 'cut it out'

I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'