I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

I was an only child, eventually.