I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased the all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, "Hey, these records are all blank."

The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

A metaphor is like a simile.

I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.