I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased the all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, "Hey, these records are all blank."

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.

I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.

I was once arrested for resisting arrest.