I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.

You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?