I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.

I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.

I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.

Why are they called a-part-ments, when they're all stuck together?