If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It's commenting or observing or twisting life.

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.

I washed mud off of mud.