If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.

I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.