I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity. If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'

Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'