Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?

I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."