If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think, 'What the hell am I doing?'

I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.