Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.

People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.

Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.