You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'

The older you get, the more you learn to see what you've been taught to see. When you're a kid, you see what's there.

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?