You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I'm dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over.

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.