You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called "They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring."

I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops

I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.