You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.

I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match.

My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.