You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.

I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me - and I didn't hear it.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I was once arrested for resisting arrest.

My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.