I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.

One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.

The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.

I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because then it's serious business.

The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.