My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birth mark til he was eight years old.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.