I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.

I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called "They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring."

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

Sometimes I talk to myself in languages I'm unfamiliar with... just to screw with my subconscious.