You know, the New Testament is pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most Recent Testament.

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

I brought a mirror to Lovers' Lane. I told everybody I'm Narcissus.