They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.

Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes.

For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]