They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?

Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.

I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.