Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

I just lost a buttonhole.

I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.