A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.

I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?