I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

I like to talk about lint and coasters, the expansion of the universe and maybe McDonald's. I'm completely turned off by the idea of politics.

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

I took my dog for a walk... all the way from New York to Florida... I said to him "There now you're done."

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?