Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-up.

Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . . "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.