Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called "They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring."

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

It's a fine night to have an evening.

My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.