I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.

Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.

Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?

I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit .

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.'