My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

I had amnesia once or twice.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.

In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you'd get here and then everything would be happily ever after. But, it's hard work, almost harder once you're successful because you've got to maintain it.