Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.

A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly], and says, "Here, you can go"

When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.

I was skydiving horizontally.