My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.

I have a large sea shell collection which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it.

Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.

Imagine Oshkosh straitjackets for little insane children.

I never even thought of myself as deadpan until someone wrote an article about me about a year after I was doing comedy. There was a paper called the 'Boston Phoenix,' and someone wrote a description of what I was doing and that's where I first saw 'deadpan.'