My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.

Day One: Still tired from the move.

Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.

I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.