It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think, 'What the hell am I doing?'
The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.
How young can you die of old age?
I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-up.