Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.

Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.