Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me - and I didn't hear it.

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even stop to think about, looking at life in slow-motion and questioning everything we see.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.