The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here last year.

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates".

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded."

I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.

I washed mud off of mud.

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.