I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.

While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I know you?"

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.

I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.

I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.