Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.

Imagine Oshkosh straitjackets for little insane children.

I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.

I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, "Right here, officer."

Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'