Hermits have no peer pressure.
All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.
They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.