I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.

I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.