Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

Today I dialed a wrong number... The other person said, "Hello?" and I said, "Hello, could I speak to Joey?"... They said, "Uh... I don't think so... he's only 2 months old." I said, "I'll wait."

I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.

Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.