Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.

I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.

Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?

I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

Half the people you know are below average.