Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.

I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.

I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

Women... can't live with 'em...... can't shoot 'em

43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?