Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.

I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's free with purchase." I asked her if anyone bought anything toda

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.

Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?

I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote.