If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.

Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.