If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.

I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.