Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'

There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.

When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.

I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.